I always write these posts rather reluctantly – sometimes I have good years and sometimes I have bad years. Most of the time, as it is for everyone, they’re a mixture of both but I think this year might fall into the bad year category.
When I re-launched this blog as Persuading Daisies, it was with a mission to never let any negativity get in the way of writing blog posts. In the past I’ve found myself getting down in the dumps (a scientific term) and letting negativity seep into my writing. I’m a negative person in almost every aspect of my life, if I’m honest, but I decided I wanted to make this blog a place where I put that aside and tried to write positive things.
Unfortunately, I also believe in being honest and these end-of-year posts are a time capsule, so I think they need to be honest.
Most of this year, especially the latter half, hasn’t been spectacular for my mental health. It seems worse than ever, really. There is a positive in there, however. For most of my adult life I’ve been half-heartedly trying to get myself a diagnosis. I’ve known for a long time that I have some kind of anxiety disorder and I had just accepted it as fact but no one seemed to want to diagnose me.
It didn’t really help that the doctor I used to see seemed very unwilling to help me but I was too worried and afraid of going somewhere new that I didn’t really try hard enough to get the help I knew I needed. That changed this year and with it, I finally got some confirmation of what I had known all along. Diagnoses aren’t always important to everyone but to me it was – I wanted to name the thing so I could start to fight it. I got a little more than I bargained for
Aside from the many, many health issues I have encountered this year (turns out not going to the doctor very often leaves you with many things unattended to), there have been some little positives in amongst everything else too.
I managed to get away to Kiama for a week on my own in September. I love travelling on my own but the last two trips I’ve done by myself have been hectic and full of so many new and exciting things that it was difficult to relax. I wanted to take myself on a holiday that actually helped me to empty my brain and tick a few things off the to-do list. A week away was perfect and I got so much reading done that if that were the only thing I did in my time there, I would have been happy.
In fact, reading this year was the best it has ever been, despite not necessarily reading as much as I have in past years. I’ve already written a post on this earlier this year – the general gist of it being that setting a lower goal (not so low that it was too easy but not high enough to be out of reach) was much more beneficial. As of today, the 31st Dec, I have surpassed my goal of 30 books to reach my secondary goal of 50. I am hoping to squeeze another one in but even if I don’t, I’m okay with that.
I also completed NaNoWriMo for another year. I was quieter about it this year, I think. I just put my head down and did it – managing to stay above each daily goal for most of the days. I was happier with what I wrote this year than most other years but it will still never see the light of day and that is okay by me.
There’s a lot of work to be done in 2019 for myself. I have lots of goals in almost every area of my life and I’ve been working towards them for a little while now so I think turning 25 in April will be that little kick up the bum that I’ve needed to get them over the line.
I am not superstitious in really anyway but I have noticed a little pattern in the way my years play out. For the last ten years or so, every even-numbered year has been horrific (note: 2014 when my father died) while most of the odd-numbered years seem to be full of fun and happiness (note: 2009, 2015 and 2017 when I took fantastic international trips). I don’t believe that the number of the year will have any bearing on how the year will actually play out but it’s probably a bit self-fulfilling now that I’ve noticed the pattern. So let’s hope 2019 brings something good – whatever it may be!
How has your year been? How have the ups and downs levelled out?
If you’re interested in reading my past yearly wrap-ups, here are all the links, but I suspect the only person who is interested is me! Enjoy, regardless.